The Issues Are In the Tissues
A statement from Amy Stewart
I have been surviving since I was 5 years old. To me healing begins again every day. I can look at times where I have been stuck in patterns. I look back at cycles of trauma. I look at times I was thriving directly adjacent to times of survival. I am now 38 years old; I understand that the healing cycle doesn't end. The bottom gets higher. I find I become stuck for less time. I have such a deeper understanding of myself and other beings. For me healing means trusting myself - my intuitive healing nature - trusting the feelings that come up, nurturing myself, and forgiving myself as well as others. Most recently I have felt the most grounded by practicing yoga, meditation, breathing exercises, drawing, and writing. I see life as a spiral and sometimes I spiral up while other times I spiral down. The beautiful thing about working on my trauma and trusting the divine is that in those awful times in recent years where I have spiraled so far down that it felt I may not have strength to climb back up, through trust and openness I received enough tension on that spiral so that I sprang up so far that I am certain I will never be quite so low again. I don't want anyone to think I was on all levels balanced all the time. Sometimes the self-care was eating ice cream, crying, screaming, watching a sad movie, reading a book, or even sleeping all day. But, the work has been about finding the balance and being okay with it when it’s not. There it is. Resilience grows that way. PTSD does not define or control me. Strength comes through learning forgiveness. Trust comes from listening. Every answer I need is always available if I can remember to be still and listen. As this current crisis has forced a hard pause I have been reminded that all of the work is within and that I posses every tool necessary for my own healing. It is something I must work on every day. I am highly sensitive, intuitive, and empathic by nature and I have been reminded how much better it feels to stay in more, work less, create art, pray, write, and practice many other forms of self care and self healing. I will be keeping these lessons from quarantine as our lives open back up. I am grateful for the self-confidence I have gained through the work.